August 5, 2020

It has been several weeks since my last post. Many, many, MANY things have happened since my post in April. School finished virtually. I did not teach summer school for the first time ever, I am finishing my masters degree next week (YAY), I have had heartache.

This year seems to be going on forever. One thing after another keeps crashing down like a bunch of dominoes lined in a row. I never would have dreamed that I would say goodbye to my students for the summer in March. I would never have dreamed to not be knocking down the doors at school to work in my classroom to get it ready for the fall semester. But…welcome to 2020 where anything is possible and everything that can happen will.

I am very hesitant to go and work in my classroom. I moved rooms for this year, so I have lots of boxes to unpack. I have great ideas for bulletin boards. But I have zero energy to set up. My gut is telling me it will be a waste of time. My district has set up a hybrid model for the fall semester where students and parents chose to attend first semester virtually or in person. While this is a great idea, this also creates challenges. We now have so many students signed up for the virtual academy, we have to pull teachers to teach virtually and not in person. This was left up for teachers to apply for. Unfortunately, not many teachers applied. This leaves the district no choice except to place you as a virtual teacher with the chance to not return to your home building second semester or even next year. This thought terrifies me. I already have a relationship with my staff. I would not be happy if I were moved and not given the opportunity to return to my building with my people.

Another item weighing on me with this whole virtual idea is not knowing which students have signed up yet. That has not been made teacher knowledge as of yet. It is all of the unknowns that makes me hesitant for this new school year. This is also the first year where I will just have 2 preps. But because I am certified for all areas for the 6th grade level, I could be forced to have more preps, or even teach classes that I have not taught for a few years. Over the extended Spring Break, my teaching partners and I created many activities for our students as well as created unit plans. What if that was all a waste?

And let’s not forget my personal life for a moment. My family recently flooded. Some of their homes had 18inches of water inside, where others just flooded the basement. LOTS of mud everywhere and it Will. Not. Stop. Raining. So because of this my 80 year old grandmother has moved in with me temporarily. She has been here for almost 3 weeks. I love my grandmother with all of my heart. I look up to her and cherish her more than she will ever know. But her words are hurtful and I am having a difficult time walking a thin line in my own home. Living with my grandmother I think is the hardest thing I have ever done. I worry that she has the onset of dementia as her memory is lacking and she has started taking things the wrong way. Someone can say something and she will twist it around and she can be so hateful and hurtful in an instant. I don’t know how much more I can take without blowing up on her, and that is the last thing I want to do. Lots of conversations with the Lord tonight thats for sure.

On a brighter note, only 9 more days and I will be finished with my masters course! Only 26 more days until I see most of my students again! Only 13 days until I am reunited with my colleagues (most of them hopefully)!